Dr. Anjali Boyramboli: "Children are constantly connected and therefore continuously vulnerable"

Dr. Anjali Boyramboli: "Children are constantly connected and therefore continuously vulnerable". In this interview, Dr. Anjali Boyramboli, a psychology academic, analyzes the role of screens, parental responsibility, and digital tools that can assist without replacing dialogue. She advocates for an approach based on conversation, emotional training, and fostering a trusting environment.

What signs should alert parents and teachers when a child is being bullied at school? Five main indicators to watch for include:

1. Unexplained physical manifestations. Recurrent abdominal pain, morning nausea, sleep disturbances, weight fluctuations, and unexplained marks on the body may reflect deep distress linked to bullying.
2. Sudden social isolation. The child withdraws, distances themselves from peers, eats lunch alone, avoids groups, and stops sharing their school life. They may appear physically present but mentally absent, as if retreating from the world.
3. Subtle emotional collapse. Crying without apparent reason, sudden outbursts of anger, persistent sadness, or marked fear of school or a specific person are signals often ignored or minimized, yet they should raise alarms.
4. Frozen or dissociative behaviors. Some children exhibit total withdrawal: sudden immobility, vacant stares, slowed gestures, or retreating into their phones to disconnect from reality. This "freeze" response is an instinctive reaction to perceived threats.
5. Targeted avoidance and partial mutism. The child may avoid certain places, people, or specific times of the day. They may become silent, whether at school or home, out of fear of exacerbating their situation. This silence can hide insidious bullying: subtle mockery, emotional manipulation, or indirect family tensions that increase their vulnerability.

What are the most common forms of bullying among children? Verbal bullying remains one of the most frequent forms, involving mockery, humiliating nicknames, intimidation, and threats, which are often trivialized. Relational or social bullying, more insidious, manifests through voluntary exclusion, familial stigmatization, spreading rumors, or rejection. It is invisible but profoundly destructive. Cyberbullying infiltrates intimacy with hurtful messages on platforms like WhatsApp, Snapchat, or TikTok, fake profiles created to humiliate, and secret groups where the child becomes a target. This form of bullying never stops, transcending home boundaries. Physical bullying can begin early, sometimes as soon as preschool: shoving, stealing school supplies, discreet hits, or assaults based on skin color or gender. Emotional manipulation and blackmail are common in certain so-called "popular" circles, where children are led to believe they must "earn" their place in the group, often at the cost of humiliations disguised as challenges.

Are teachers adequately prepared to prevent school bullying? Many teachers have received basic training, but on the ground, the reality is much more complex. They often feel overwhelmed, exhausted, and emotionally drained, many experiencing a form of silent burnout. Fear of aggressive reactions from certain parents—threats, denigrations, accusations—hinders any intervention attempts. Some teachers themselves face parental bullying. The lack of institutional support is glaring: in Mauritius and Rodrigues, no psychological support units exist in schools, nor is there ongoing supervision.

What improvement measures can be taken?

• Regular emotional training for teachers focused on conflict management, non-violent communication, and identifying warning signs.
• Establishing dialogue spaces among teachers, management, and psychosocial staff.
• Building a school-family alliance based on cooperation, where adversarial positions are avoided in favor of shared responsibility.

What are the long-term consequences of unaddressed bullying in children? The aftermath can be profound, lasting, and sometimes invisible until adulthood. A bullied child risks becoming:

• An adult who continuously adapts, avoiding conflict, and unable to set clear boundaries.
• Or conversely, a toxic adult who reproduces bullying mechanisms due to a lack of support in their recovery.
• They may develop anxiety disorders, depression, personality disorders, self-sabotaging behaviors in their professional lives, eating disorders, or addictive behaviors.
• Some may flee all social connections, while others may desperately seek approval, even at the cost of losing themselves.

What effective approaches exist?

• Integrative therapy from childhood: supportive therapies or sensory approaches tailored for younger children.
• Creating a trusting environment around the child, with adults and spaces for free expression.
• School programs focused on self-esteem, emotional management, and repairing relational ties.

Does school bullying affect certain age groups or types of institutions more than others? Absolutely. It often manifests insidiously from the earliest years. Even in preschool, concerning behaviors appear:

• Children who push, shout, or deliberately exclude their peers,
• Who intentionally break others’ toys,
• Or who ridicule the cries or actions of children with special needs.

Children with different abilities are particularly at risk from early childhood. When their needs are unrecognized and unmet, a chain of consequences follows:

• Repeated crises misinterpreted as tantrums,
• Growing social rejection,
• And parental pressure related to refusing a diagnosis, motivated by fear of judgment, shame, or cultural denial.

This refusal often leads to inappropriate placements in regular classes, without adequate support, perpetuating a vicious cycle that is hard to break.

What role do social media play today in exacerbating or trivializing school bullying? A massive, unprecedented role. Children are constantly connected—24 hours a day, 7 days a week—making them continuously vulnerable. Bullying now transcends spatial and temporal limits: it no longer stops at school gates.

Another concerning factor: many parents themselves are screen addicts, unintentionally modeling either compulsive or emotionally absent behavior.

• However, there are free tools I recommend to parents. These discreet and non-intrusive tools allow for supporting children without excessive monitoring. Among these: Google Family Link, which helps set screen time limits and visualize used applications while fostering dialogue. Other solutions like Bark, Qustodio, or OurPact offer benevolent co-monitoring centered on trust.
• But beyond the tools, establishing a true culture of dialogue and shared responsibility remains essential.

How to recognize a student in suicidal distress? Young people's suffering always comes with signs. Be attentive to alarming statements ("I want everything to stop," "No one cares about me"), social media posts, loss of interest in usual activities, or marked mood swings. Sudden isolation, falling grades, giving away personal belongings, or risk behaviors (running away, substance use) are all red flags. Constant fatigue, sleep disturbances, weight fluctuations, and neglecting hygiene complete this picture.

Teachers, although not psychologists, are often the first witnesses. Their role is to observe, listen non-judgmentally, create a space for dialogue, and quickly report concerning cases. Parents must remain vigilant despite fatigue or pervasive screens: actively listen, ask open questions, maintain a reassuring routine, and consult without delay.

In the face of immediate suicidal risk, remain with the student, ask the question directly: "Have you thought about hurting yourself?" And call for help. Every kind word can be the difference between losing a student and offering them a future.